I was on Google late one evening after the kids had been put down to bed, and I decided to look up, "What does a badass woman look like?" I came across someone's blog, and she had compiled a list of do's and don'ts for being a badass woman. One of the descriptors that stuck with me is that she doesn't apologize for being fierce. Also, she embraces the struggle when she isn't feeling "bad".
Yesterday, I had my monthly friend arrive just in time to make me want to excuse myself from my bootcamp boxing class and subsequent training session with a friend. But I went to both anyway. I felt lousy in class, huffed and puffed the whole time, hid in the corner during one of the running drills, and clutched my belly during jumping jacks and high knees. The instructor, who is now a friend, motioned to me that maybe I should get some rest.
Always striving to be better each class, I left feeling like I had failed ... then, I remembered that I just did an hour of cardio and strength exercises to the best of my ability under substandard physical condition. So, I gave myself license to not feel like I had to apologize for being "wimpy". I didn't even hang my head or fold my arms as I left class. I told myself I was just going to embrace the struggle.
Then, I did only "okay" in a training session later in the day. I went against my better judgment and asked my friend to skip a certain exercise because I just didn't feel like looking stupid while learning how to do it better. I almost succumbed to my inner pressure to fold, but I simply remained honest and told my friend that I felt insecure. We did a little bit more, and then we moved on.
Yesterday, I was off-and-on, but I exhibited badassery nonetheless. Today's a new day, and I can't wait to see what it brings: struggle, insecurity, hopefulness, joy? Either way, I'm gonna approach it head on, without apologies.
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